The One Question you Should Ask a Potential Mate

Books, Dating, Quick Read

If you could ask a potential mate one question, what would it be?

I always remember a story about a family friend who asked his sister’s boyfriend, “What’s the manliest things you’ve ever done?” If I was the boyfriend, I would have asked in return, “What’s the most feminine things you’ve ever done?” I know there would be a good story in there.

But if we are being serious about finding “the one,” what questions should we ask? I’ve been reading a book about introversion called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Sarah Cain. Cain posits that because blushing is uncontrollable, it makes it socially useful. Blushing “is an authentic sign of embarrassment” and embarrassment is a moral emotion. When someone blushes, we know that they care. In order to see if someone is moral and caring, we should ask a question to see if they respond with a blush.

Dacher Keltner, author of Born to Be Good, would only ask a single question at a speed-dating event. That question would be: “What is your last embarrassing experience?” Then he would look for lip presses, blushing, and averted eyes. These are all common signs of embarrassment.

Keep this in mind the next time you are trying to figure out if you should pursue someone. But what do you do if you are in a modern day, online relationship? Ask the question and look for the blushing emoticon… — J



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